You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
