Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
