the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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