Cold hands, warm shart.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize