just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
