I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
