standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
