OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
