3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
