Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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