billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am naked and annoyed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
