this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i believe in u and ur pee
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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