Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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