Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
