Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
