it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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