I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize