I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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