He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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