hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I intend to get homeless drunk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
