there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
third nipple confirmed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
