i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
