how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
