Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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