please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
