How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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