..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
