I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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