I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
