Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
