the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
