remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
