hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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