you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
