final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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