I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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