I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
