He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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