Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
