This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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