Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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