what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
