put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
