why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
