Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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