He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
