my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
