i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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