You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
