you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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