kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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