I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dear god my vagina.
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