I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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