thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
