is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
